Dreaming about the good life with you

I am here dreaming about my good life with you.
You are there building your good life without me.
It's heart wrenching.
The thought, the picture.
Of you without me.
More like me without you.
I don't know why I even bother.
You already made it clear to me you were not interested.
You gave me hope that you also had feelings,
But when it came down to it you just couldn't accept a world where we would be together.
You told me you were not ready.
I was not ready either, yet here I am.
Ready to put that all away to be with you.
It should have been obvious to me from the get go.
You made it obvious.
I just did not want to accept it.
I let myself go,
Let myself fall for you.
More and more,
Deeper and deeper.
Now I have all these feelings and no idea what to do with them.
Is it my fault?
Clearly.
Obviously.
Now I have to kill a part of myself,
The part of me that held you so dearly,
That cherished you so much.
I have to let that part of myself go.
I have to watch it die.
Only for you to come back and revive it with the littlest of utterances,
And the slightest of touch.
I feel anger rising in me at the thought of my powerlessness,
At the realization of the power you hold over me.
No more.
You either want me,
Or you don't,
And you don't.